at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
