How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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