By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
