Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
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like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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