I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
