I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
