3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
