Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
