im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
