I just threw up on my dentist
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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