I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
