he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
