my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
