Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the day after is always just damage control
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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