Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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