Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
