Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
