So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was like eating out sand paper
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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