Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
