make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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