their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
