We're like a lot better than the average bears
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
