Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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