My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
