A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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