it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
