Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
