her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
