It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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