He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
