I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
