bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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