So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
