Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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