I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize