The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
