That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
