so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
