4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
