The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
