So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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