I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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