It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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