Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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