we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
