I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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