We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
