The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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