Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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