You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
