so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
