You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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