Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
