And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
