The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
