I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
