Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
