Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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