this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
