I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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