you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
