hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize