Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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