i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just had sex bonerless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
