My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
