Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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