I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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