My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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