I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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