.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
