Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
