i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
