THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
